CHRISTMAS PARTY ETIQUETTE

Catholic League president Bill Donohue offers seasonal advice:
 
There is no shortage of advice on how to throw an office Christmas party. For example, Helene Wasserman, a Los Angeles labor-law attorney, warns it is important to call the Christmas party a "holiday party." Human Relations specialist Suzan Sturholm is even more sensitive: she suggests naming it an "end-of-the-year celebration" (good idea—that way no one will know what they are celebrating). Attorney Duane Morris advises, "Assign certain managers to keep their eyes and ears open for individuals who appear intoxicated at the party."
 
We demur. Here's what the Catholic League counsels:

• Have an open bar
• Start with Champagne laced with Chambord
• Assign managers to keep their eyes and ears open for individuals who don't drink
• Assign bouncers to keep an eye on the managers
• Sing "Joy to the World"
• Put a nativity scene in one corner for Christians; a Christmas tree in another for recovering Christians; a menorah in the third corner for Jews; and leave one corner empty. The latter is for atheists.
• Proselytize
• Invite everyone to join the Catholic League's "Adopt An Atheist" campaign

Regarding our timely campaign, I couldn't help noticing that a writer at Salon.com, Tommi Avicolli Mecca, found our initiative to be puzzling. "It's uncertain whether it's an attempt at satire or a real call to arms. Donohue is not known for his sense of humor about these things." 

Don’t you just love these guys? Can't make it up! Let's keep him guessing again about our Christmas Party rules. Maybe he'll see that as a "real call to arms" as well.